Eternian Board of Girl Power: Cookies
by Startix-Master of the NoLess
Summary: The latest meeting of the Eternian Board of Girl Power reveals a disturbing fact; they're almost out of money! To regain their capital, the girls resort to a new method of obtaining revenue; selling cookies. Only disaster can follow.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Bravely Default.

* * *

"Ruined!" shouted Victoria, a spell halo flaring around her. "Absolutely ruined! Finished! Done! Kaput!"

From her spot, Kikyo calmly took a sip of her tea, face as impassive as ever. Next to her, Artemia lay curled on the floor, dozing peacefully.

"Our whole funds, every last pg, gone! All of it, and we are RUINED!"

In a fit of rage, Victoria blasted a nearby tree with Dark, waking Artemia from her sleep. Kikyo raised an eyebrow but said nothing, swiftly pouring a cup for Victoria. Gritting her teeth, the witch floated over and snatched it up, sipping slowly.

The EBGP's funding normally came from one person, Artemia. Thanks to her Frosti charms, a steady flow of pg had enabled them to execute their activities with almost no lull. However, they failed to take into account just how much they were spending on average. Between candy, banners, and the 'We Hate Holly' festival they had last month, it was a miracle they had held on as long as they had. But in addition to their dwindling capital, they had to deal with the slow decline of the popularity of the Frosti charms. Great Moth barrettes were all the rage now, and Artemia couldn't find enough to slaughter to keep up with demand. All this led to their current state of bankruptcy, and Victoria's foul mood.

"Better?" asked Artemia as Victoria finished her tea.

The youngest of the group nodded, asking Kikyo for another cup. "Girls, we face a serious problem. Without money, the Eternian Board of Girl Power won't last a week. And I will NOT suffer through that blonde bag saying our 'silly little girls club' failed. We need money-making ideas, now!"

"Assassin for hire!" piped up Artemia, pumping a fist. Her response was met with impassiveness.

"Artemia, assassination is Kikyo's territory. No offense, you're not all that subtle."

"No offense taken." shrugged Artemia, returning to her curled up position. "Heat of moment."

Victoria sighed, finishing her second cup. "Any ideas, Kikyo?"

The ninja tapped her chin for a moment, before a cloud of smoke burst around her; in the young woman's place stood a short-haired blonde.

"WhenIwasagirlandcouldn'taffordmyninjatrainingIsoldcookiesdoortodoortocoverthecostsitwasn'treallythatdifficultandIalsolearnedalotaboutresponsibilityandsticktoitivnessintheprocess." With a 'poof', she returned to her regular form.

"Selling cookies…yes! That's a great idea! Who doesn't love cookies?" Victoria gave the elder jobmaster a thumbs-up. "Once again, your girl power shines through, Kikyo!"

"Kikyo have best ideas!" agreed Artemia. "Kikyo brains of operation!"

The ninja said nothing, but the other two didn't miss the crimson rising to her cheeks, nor the small smile that followed.

* * *

After a quick airship ride back to Eternian Central Command, the EBGP sequestered themselves in the kitchens, giving strict orders that they were not to be disturbed, under, in Artemia's own words, "Penalty of Multiburst." They had the entirety of the kitchens of Central Command to themselves, and everything they could ask for.

"The best part about this?" Victoria laughed as she tied an apron around her tiny frame. "Since we're using ingredients from HQ, it's pure profit!"

"Pure profit!" Artemia parroted.

Kikyo, meanwhile, was zipping around at lightning speed, gathering up ingredients and utensils for the baking, pre-setting ovens and greasing pans.

"Excellent work, Kikyo!" Victoria said when the ninja finished. "Now, since this was your idea, we think you should come up with the kinds of cookies to bake. Go on, dazzle us with another brainstorm!"

Kikyo shifted nervously before poofing into another disguise, this one being a simple Florem native. "AftergatheringintelligenceonthecurrentflavorpalatesI'veconcludedthatourbestoptionsshouldbecookiesthatareparticularlysweetsuchasbutterscotchormaplewithafewsprinklesofcinnamonandmaybenutmeg." Another poof and she was back.

"Hmmm…" pondered Victoria. "Sweet, you say. I think I have an idea! Artemia, fetch some things from the ECV!"

"Artemia go!" shouted the Ranger, disappearing from the kitchens. The hunter returned mere seconds after she left, carrying bag upon bag of candies in her arms. With a grunt, she plopped them onto the central table. "Took long. Artemia sorry."

"Nonsense! You were perfectly punctual. An amazing display of your girl power! Now, then, to baking!"

The three girls shared glances, a long pause between them. It was a while before anyone spoke.

"Um…" Victoria piped up. "Does anyone here know how to bake?"

Kikyo shook her head, shrinking back. Artemia however, jumped up and waved her hand. "Artemia not know. But sister do! Artemia fetch!"

"No! No outsiders!" replied Victoria adamantly. "This is Eternian Board of Girl Power territory only!"

Poof. "IcompletelyagreewithVictoriathisisaproblemthatI'msurewecansolveifwesimplyworktogetherandtryourhardestafterallifwecombineourgirlpowerthere'snothingwecantaccomplishsolet'sgettoit!" Poof.

"Well said, Kikyo! Now, all we need is a—"

The ninja held up a large blue book that Artemia snatched up and handed to Victoria. "1002 Easy Eternian Recipes. Perfect! With this tome in our hands we'll churn out enough cookies to keep us rolling in pg for months! Let's get started!"

* * *

_Approximately seven minutes later…_

"What in the name of Luxendarc is a 'whisk'?"

Kikyo handed said object to Victoria.

"Thank you. Now, what's a 'spatula'?"

Again, Kikyo handed the utensil to the witch.

"Thank you. And a—"

Without even waiting for her to finish, Kikyo handed the arcanist a wooden spoon. Artemia, meanwhile, was smashing eggs into a large mixing bowl, using probably more force than was necessary, getting bits of shell into the bowl in the process.

"Alright, we've beaten eggs into a bowl," Victoria noted as Artemia saluted happily. "And we have all the utensils…next we add flour. Tch, flowers don't grow in Eternia; it's too cold!"

"Not 'flower' flour!" cut in the youngest Venus sister. "'Flour' flour!" From one of the drawers she produced a bag of all-purpose flour, tossing it over for the witch to see.

"I have never seen anything like this before in my life." she said, looking the bag over. "And this stuff goes in cookies?"

Both girls nodded.

"If you say so…how much do we add?"

"Lots! Make many cookies!"

Shrugging, Victoria ripped open the bag…or rather, tried to. She grit her teeth as she struggled to pull at the edges of the bag, the bag which, comically, was roughly her size.

Before the arcanist flew into a rage, Kikyo took the bag and poked a hole in it with one of her short swords, handing it back to the witch.

"Thank you." she said, emptying the contents of the bag into the bowl, tossing the bag aside when she finished. "What next?"

Artemia hopped on top of the table, hands filled with dozens of small, brightly-colored packages. "Butterscotch!" she howled, hurling the candies into the bowl.

"Wait! shouldn't we unwrap them, first?"

"Heat melt plastic! When bake, plastic gone!" was the Ranger's reply as she piled piece upon piece of butterscotch candy into the mixture.

Victoria turned to Kikyo, who shrugged. "She seems like she knows what's up." shrugged the arcanist. "What next?" Victoria thumbed through the cookbook, before stopping on a page. "Here we go! Milk! …Do we have milk?"

Kikyo eyed the carton of milk she had procured during her ingredient gathering. Picking it up, she turned it over, and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And _waited_.

And after what seemed like several minutes a glob of what was once upon a time, milk, plopped onto the table.

"Bad." gagged Artemia, wrinkling her nose.

"Tsk, we have to get more then. Milk comes from cows, right? Artemia! Find us a cow so we might have milk!"

The Ranger nodded and sprinted out of the kitchens. Victoria took the opportunity to look over the bowl. "I still say we should've unwrapped these…" she commented.

The doors to the kitchen suddenly burst open, Artemia dragging in a flailing, _severely_ enraged Holly Whyte by the arm. She wasn't in her usual state of dress, however, her White Mage robes swapped out for a simple, white nightgown.

"Get your hands off me, you wretch!" screeched the blonde, trying to wrench her arm from Artemia's iron-hard grip.

"Artemia back! Easy find. With loud punch man."

"Rrrreeeeeeeaaaaaally…?" smirked Victoria.

"That's none of your business!" shot back Holly, cheeks flushed red. "And why did you send your little attack dog to get me? A messenger wouldn't have sufficed?"

"I didn't, I asked her to get a…_oh._"

Holly raised an eyebrow. "Asked her to get a what?"

Victoria was nearly in hysterics. "We're making cookies, and we needed milk, so…"

"…So?"

The arcanist was tearing now. "So I asked her to get a cow."

"…"

* * *

Braev surveyed the destroyed kitchen with an utterly impassive face. Trays and shelves were devastated, a massive hole was blown in one wall, knives and arrows littered the floor, and scorch marks peppered the room. Before him stood three women; Holly Whyte in a tattered nightgown and an arrow sticking from her shoulder, Victoria F. Stein, whose breathing came out in ragged gasps as she clutched what looked like a broken arm, Artemia Venus, whose bow was snapped in half and her Ranger garb in shreds, and Konoe Kikyo, whose makeup was smeared, hair undone and disheveled, and clutching a single nodaichi that had broken at the hilt.

"Explain."

**END**

* * *

To answer the question that is probably on your minds, Barras and Holly were not doing the do. He was (forced into) giving her a manicure. For a powerful monk, he has surprisingly deft hands~


End file.
